Young people's attitudes to domestic abuse

A couple of news reports today made me pause and think where we're going as a society. The first was news of the study on children's attitudes to violence, by Nancy Lombard of Napier University, which is to be presented at an event with Scottish Women's Aid on Wednesday. The second was news of a public awareness campaign on teenage domestic violence.

It's a relatively small study - 89 children at only five Glasgow Primaries - yet, I'm troubled by some of the comments reported in the study, which seem to hark back to some other age.

“They all said violence was wrong but, when we looked beneath that, they often saw it as justified by the actions of the woman.”

The BBC article on the public awareness campaign quotes Psychologist Dr Linda Papadopoulos:

"It is very interesting, the way it happens. It's much more about mind control. Through the language used, 'He doesn't allow me to do this, he wouldn't like me doing this'.

"It's as if the boy speaking to them like this is a way of them valuing them. As if they think, 'He cares enough to be jealous', and that is what is particularly worrying."

I find it quite disturbing that young women would willingly accept the notion that that they have done something to deserve violence. The societal pressures on young people seem to me to be greater now than even a few years ago, but nothing, even the fear of losing that first boyfriend or looking uncool, would have made me put up with that kind of behaviour.

Whether it's down to upbringing, the group of people you hang about with, or low self esteem and insecurity, it's not a path young women should be choosing. Accepting violence in relationships at a formative age is likely to set a pattern for all future relationships.

I don't see in the reports where these trends are coming from - whether it's family attitudes, the media, or something else entirely - but it will surely take a great deal of education to ensure these attitudes are not continued. As far as I remember, the teenage magazines I used to flick through would never have endorsed sympathy to abusive relationships, and I hope that hasn't changed. Men's magazines have been criticised for their attitudes towards women, but that alone can't explain this apparent trend.

I've heard anecdotes from those working with young people, who are also deeply concerned by some of the views they've heard. I know from meeting some groups in Glasgow that work is being done in schools with groups of young people of both sexes, and that football clubs and police have also worked together to target fans. It's up to all of us in society to challenge the notion that either side in a relationship is unworthy; this generation should not grow up under the cloud of domestic violence.

If you're a teenage mum, who can you ask for help?

I would guess, if you're a teenage mum living in Glasgow South, Tom Harris MP is certainly not who you're going to go to for a sympathetic listening ear. The outburst on his blog has attracted a lot of media interest from across the left, right and religious spectrum.

I wouldn't deny that there's a problem in society when young teenagers find themselves having sex and young girls end up pregnant. Dealing with unexpected and unwanted pregnancy isn't a situation any of us would want to find ourselves in. Whatever choice teenage mums have to make, that choice is never going to be easy, and they will live with the consequences of that decision for the rest of their lives. If there is no commitment from their partner, or support from their parents, that decision has to be made alone.

Tom Harris is a male, married, middle aged, middle class, educated and well paid Member of Parliament (incidentally, with sons rather than daughters). In his blog post, he almost manages to put himself in the position of the father of a teenage mother. Almost. The father may well be hopping mad, in denial, disappointed, and fearful, but what good would showing that do to his daughter? They've probably had that fight already. Summoning pride and hope in support of a daughter who may well be terrified herself is surely better than arguments and recriminations; once the baby has been born, that moment has long past.

I wonder if he has tried to put himself in the postion of the daughter. Fear. Panic. Worry. Hope. The coming realisation that no matter what they do, they are now tied to live with the child they brought into the world. Education, work, relationships are all bundled up into that.

I've heard from friends that recently had children - married people, as it happens - about how challenging the whole parenting thing is. How much harder must that be on your own?

There are education programmes being developed to give young people a better chance of understanding their bodies, and learning the self esteem to be able to make decisions in their own best interests. I hope that Sexual Health and Relationship Education (SHARE) will make the difference to the generations growing up today. Parents are intended to be part of this education, and they need to feel able to encourage their children in a positive way.

I hinted at the difference between attitudes to boys and girls by their parents earlier. There are very different attitudes to sex and relationships by gender, and this needs to be tackled as part of young people's development. Put simply, girls don't get pregnant on their own.

For those who have had their babies, we need to assist where we can. Offer childcare places and routes into training and employment. Offer parenting classes where they are needed, or just finding ways to lend a hand. There are ways of preventing or breaking the benefits cycle and these are better to be carrots rather than sticks.

The teenage mums who have visited my surgeries aren't looking for handouts. They're looking for the best start they can give their children, regardless of the circumstances of their birth. If that happens to be a warm, secure home, then fine. It's a start, and when their home life is on track, I believe other things will eventually follow.

It's not my job to judge the people who ask for my assistance - as an elected representative it's my job to do my best for each and every one of my constituents. With his moralising patronising tone, Tom Harris risks alienating the constituents who need him most.

RAPA

On to a more cheerful visit last Thursday, to the Reidvale Adventure Playground Association. This provides a great facility not just for children, but has a drop in for teenagers as well. It takes pupils from SEN schools during the day, hosts football coaching, and a wide range of other activities. It has various funding, but also relies on the dedication and commitment of many local volunteers to staff the programmes RAPA run.

It probably says a lot that when I arrived (a bit early!) for my meeting with the manager there was a queue of boys and girls of various ages waiting to get in. I only wish there could be similar projects right across my ward - and across the city.